is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
