only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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