I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
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