Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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