Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
