I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
