Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
