If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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