I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
