she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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