I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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