So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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