So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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