dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
