Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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