Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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