Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
