Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
