I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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