before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
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