I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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