I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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