Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
