is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
