So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
