I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
