My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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