to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
