It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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