My sheets look like a crime scene.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
