But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
