I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
