Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
