You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
