i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
well you can't waste a boner
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
