i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
