Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
In America we eat man semen.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
