You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
