What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
