he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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