So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
