Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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