i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
