I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
