Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
