Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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