he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
