i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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