i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
