my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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