We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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