I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
