1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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