It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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