i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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