Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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