He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
