No more Irish car bombs ever.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
