That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Randomize
