just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
