There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
