I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
