Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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