I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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