nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize