oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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