the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
