I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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