i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
