idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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