12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
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