Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Randomize
