We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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