its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
