My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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