Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
