They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize