Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
