she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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