So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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