How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
