Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
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you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
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Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize