HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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